My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
