Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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