i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
