So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
