I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
