"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
