I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
