whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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