I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
