So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
