god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
