and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
