apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
