So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We left an ass print on the piano.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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