I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
