**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
