They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
