you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
