So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
