I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
