just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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