Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
3pm strippers are depressing
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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