there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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