Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
