got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
