you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
