Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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