yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
