i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
