I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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