I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
