Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
