He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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