For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
