I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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