so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
