i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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