he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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