How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
