I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
