Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
