I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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