yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
