I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
