If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
