But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
