I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
