DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
pray to the hookup gods
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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