I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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