I got chris browned last night
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
