I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
