Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
