just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
