They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
