If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
