I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
