Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
