just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
