Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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