Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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