She's JV to your varsity
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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