If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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