I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
