I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
