I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
ok first of all what the fuck
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
