I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
