the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
