okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sober January is a disaster.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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