he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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