man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize