All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
