why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
