trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Vodka?
Forever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
