Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
