I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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