My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am midnight drunk by noon
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
