i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
