Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
