When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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