I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
