What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i came on her dog
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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