the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
