Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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