Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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