We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
